fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
