Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
