Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
