You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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