whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
