Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
