she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
We're too hungover to prance.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
