we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
