good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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