Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
