The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
