I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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