Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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