this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
a search helicopter?!
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
