Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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