I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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