I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
you are never too drunk for berry picking
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
