So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
