a search helicopter?!
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
