New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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