I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
