I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
