Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
he quoted the bible to break up with me
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
The uberlube is also flammable
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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