If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
