I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
