i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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