went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
