the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
