So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
