You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
