i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
