The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
