I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
You ate ashes out of my bong
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
