If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
