I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
