the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
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