Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
