we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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