i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
