i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
