He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
