Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
