Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
