I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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