i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
