Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
she told me i tasted like america
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Also, beer. Big fan.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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