We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
