i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
