She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
