I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
