Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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