this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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