best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Randomize
