He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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