i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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