i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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